I'd like to say I remain unswayed but I don't know how well I know myself and I want to find the place to find myself and I might need to be shoved in a room and look myself in the eye and ask myself for truth because I'd rather not give it. I'd rather not give in. Drowning in ignorance sometimes feels ok because it doesn't feel it just numbs and numbing is easy because you don't hurt or care but trying is better because then you process and you learn and things aren't ok and it's ok for things not to be ok. It's ok to speak the word "no" when asked if you're doing ok. It's ok to feel bad and sometimes, not always and not even usually, but sometimes it helps to do something good when you feel bad and then you feel better and more understanding about being not ok. I'm going to go define "not ok" I'll let you know later.
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"The land of 10,000 lakes" or as most people like to call it, Minnesota. Every year or so we get to travel to our cabin on Lake Ada in Minnesota and enjoy some good time in the north. I have a cousin, Tegan who kind of has an eye for photography and let's me take pictures of her when I ask nicely enough. One night we took advantage of the sunset on the dock and ended up with some fun shots.
You built a white prison because you thought that would make it clean and you colored pastels on the windows because you thought that would make it pretty and you cut off all your hair because you were afraid of lions. Then you met your best friend, a lion. So you put blue on your walls, deep dark blue and you put rubys in your windows to sharpen the light and you didn't touch your hair and it became wild. That was you. You all tied in a bow.
All the queens put on their pretty armor and they found a nice tree and they sat. They didn't discuss and they didn't express, they didn't feel they just sat. They let the salt roll down their cheeks but didn't know why and didn't care. It wasn't a matter of why or what because they had been asked not to feel and they obeyed. Except for the princess, still young enough too taste the salt she asked why in her head and she knew she wasnt allowed an answer or even the question herself but she didn't stop. She was crying because she wanted answers. The queens weren't even crying, they were just opening up and letting the salt fall out because they were told to and they couldnt do anything unless they were told to. They never questioned doing things they were not told to do because they only knew how to do things if the command had been issued. And it had. The princess understood, and she wasn't sad.
Things happen and people live. You draw out a tightrope but it's not tight enough so you fall left then veer right and neither one is the right direction because they slant and your head is too heavy and you know you're about to fall so you scream at the other end to tighten the string but no ones paying attention to you and your string so you continue to wobble and you're about to fall but someone snapped the string tight and now you're doing alright but you keep tripping from side to side like you're mind is foggy but the truth is it's so clear that it cleared away too much and now your thoughts are left and you make a plea "don't leave me alone with me" but it's been done and the try is worthless. But you try again. You try 12 more times till you realize someone's answered. They gave you back your bookshelves and you lined up your thoughts from biggest to small like toys or books or children's things and in that moment you had peace so you hopped up on your string and made it far with things figured out until you found a new struggle and a new friend and thus is life. Your string has yet to run out you know.
How do you feel about bedtime stories? Do you wish she'd stop? Do the stories mean less the more they are told or are they different every time? How about when she tells you that story every night, the one you love, do you grow closer to it and does your love grow stronger or has it slowly lost its special when the rush from hearing it for the first time goes away. I like bedtime stories. Even when they get old there is comfort and a little hug that they never fail to share.
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